There was a time when I used to walk with my head up in the clouds and stare right across the horizon, then there was a time when I found excuses not to walk and not to gaze ahead. Everybody goes through it, I was told. Was I told right? Unsure. The choice of actions and the choice left aside leads a person to a cross road and so it did. The time although was unpretentious. The choices I had made and the choices I failed make teamed up to mock at me and there I was with a will to fight back armed to the teeth with emptiness.
It was a time of great learning altering perceptions of right and wrong, choices and above all to understand the reality and the characters which form the reality. I started observing and learned my place in this piece of dirt we call earth. People and their presence impacts everything on and around it. I tried to match every piece of the puzzle and failed miserably as always.
It was through this phase whence it happened. I still remember the made up situation which I proudly said around as the only reason for the reunion of my family, yes it was made up albeit the purpose was served. Honestly the purpose would have been served even if I had my sound holes closed. It was the same basic common vulgarity of human mind trying to turn every moment into a profitable moment.
I wasn’t ashamed I did proclaimed, initially people nodded and by now everyone would have forgotten and the only thing still remaining is the guilt of it. Anyway what’s said is said, I happen to see myself in the very particular situation I had once boasted of. Was my actions in accordance to my earlier bamboozle? No! In turn what I did was to analyze the situation and the strangest thought crept into my mind.
If I had to be in exactly the same situation as the old man would I do just the same thing as this old man does or would I raise my head back into the clouds from where it descended? I do not want to get into the idea of trying to understand the reason and the chain of events and its occurrence obstruct my thought flow. The point of self-argument if I had to be in the shoes of that old man what might be my course of action.
Tough to condescend because I had never even thought of it before, now that I think would I rather die than to supplicate for the basic needs or would I consider living the rest of the miserable life as a high priority and live on, I could not conclude the self-conflict. To me living the life is misery has become the practical reality however I would never resort to beseech yet but my life of late proves otherwise.
I ponder, deep within myself in search of answer I ponder.