If I Survive

If I die …..

Often this question riddles my mind, If I die, when the walls scramble upon me and the ground beneath my feet begins to shrink and the air i breathe becomes nothing but a burden that fills my lung to denote this is not the end prepare for the worse, when all the heavy rubber passes over the tarmac and well within my reach, If I die….

What would happen, will that stop me from eying at the best friend and his premonitions and his achievements and his wealth, the glaze in the corner of the eye tempting me to steal the money off his watch or to deceive him off his wealth and to comfort myself at his agony. Yes it would but couldn’t I just let go off the rusted intentions and become the man I use to be. That definitely sounds nice but if I die, what will I be remembered as ? A self righteous, stubborn, troubled soul but as a good friend. Maybe …yet,.

Will that stop me from misguiding those who look up to me and yearn for a simple nod or a simple word and ready to slain all that is good for them just for the sake of me, into schemes that will only benefit me and with not even the slightest intention to think of their future and sink them into abyss ? Or can I not misguide them, still be the same great man holding on to their life as my own and stand shoulder to shoulder ready to take on the oncoming avalanche, what will I be remembered as ? A never submitting always headstrong and quick witted hard crusted soul that submitted to the final blow of life when the clock runs out. Maybe …. yet,.

Would it wipe off the tear and the worries of my folks who delivered me onto this world with all delight and hope and irrevocably rendered me onto the evil of the world still not ready to accept the fact and lay all their hope upon me and hoping I will tear it all along and bring back the delight and a moment’s paradise before they finally give in to peace ? Or will I be an eternal burden and may never be the man they hoped and prayed and yearned me to be. What will I be remembered as ? A bundle of sorrow ever mismatched with the pace and the arrogance of the world ever co existed and never concurrent. maybe …. yet,.

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