Everybody walks, but it’s very few walks that rewrite a lotta things, for instance make someone like me who hasn’t written anything forever and makes him come outta the shell once again. I just had one such walk, one of the longest walks cause the walk has now taken a shape and is going to filed forever. Long Walk.
As I walk outta the tea shop, the black bubbly sparky bitch (read as female dog) appears and I wonder why despite so many close encounters (read as chilling and petting) I still don’t wanna feed her a biscuit, I always have someone else feed him, why ? Even Today !
“I need to think on that” I said to myself,
I started to think and here I am punching keys to shapen my thoughts. Could that be because of my historic experience. It ain’t a could be, it is actually the one and only reason.
Why is it stopping me now, the big question appears, why does this stopping me from trying another canine experience ? Why ??? Could that be a reason that it is my fear that I might loose another, err… another what ? I don’t know ! A life. Could that be a reason that it might replace the older, I don’t know how to define that feeling.
Now I see it, I see the connection,the questions are one and the same as said, they all are generated from the same point of inception. And I also see this in every point of life where a choice is involved, this decides the prejudice that we have when we see the options open for a choice.
I fear that when I have a replacement I might run over my feelings and rewrite them with the newer feel an I don’t want that. But how is that determined ? How come I didn’t do the same with the other choices that I made when I was presented with options, Could it be because the first time factor ? It cannot be because I have had few stories with pet dogs. But there sure was my most special dog, cause it was there when my life was carved out of the boy phase to a adolescent phase. Maybe it wasn’t that I hold so close but my life intrinsically, it was my life that was engulfed by it.
Did I choose to stick with that episode and never move, yes. Did I choose to forget my previous experiences as canine lover, yes. Did I choose not to get another similar pet, yes. So now that’s clear I have made choices and all choices are made upon the same intuitive feel of the factor involved along my life. And maybe there’s a time, there’s a time when we decide never to invite a choice again and never to let go of the choices made.
But my choices have been blended in such a way that I don’t anymore want any such life changing factors, if I am going to make one. I wonder if I would ever let go of him, ever would get over him. I wonder ! I have matured a little now, now that is why I don’t wanna let go of him, I realize.
I still cry for you, Kutti.