Had you ever taken a life ?
Had you ever ended a life without knowing what future has in store ?
Had you ever felt bones crushing under you ?
Had you ever heard the noise of soul exiting ?
Had you ever stopped for a moment to save a life unable to then taken it away ?
I’ve had !
Its a thing that I always wanted to forget, its the thing I hoped was a reverie but brutally it wasn’t, its the thing that made me realize beneath the shining armour is a fragile heart.
The day when I felt like I don’t deserve to live was on December 2008, while I was piloting the black CBZ, cruising through the scarred roads in a speed that can be considered as a shame to drive a CBZ, the unthinkable happened.
I was looking at my 11’o clock at the trio playing at the banks of the muddy pool, I drew myself with the bike closer smiling at the trio and was inching closer.
When exactly at my 9, one of the trio caped across the beaten track, with all might I hit the brakes so hard that my finger hurt and I saved it from the initial impact,
Alas ! It was in a split second that I released the brakes and the one took another plunge across the road, it was so fast for my brain to realize, by the time it did, t’was too late ……
At that near zero speed and that slush I felt the rib cage crushing into abyss, the cry was milder than a fish’s breath yet it deafened me …. I dropped the bike jumped off it and took the crushed kitten in my hands….
It was still alive it looked straight into my eyes with a solemn look that put me in the gallows that very moment ….. It looked my helpless eyes hoping for reincarnation and I wished I was god for a moment !
There in my hands, in my helplessly numb hands in my tainted hands it spat blood gave a final spasm and those pretty blue helpless eyes went blank and black ….
As I type this I just can’t hold myself but to shed tears for I had brutally killed a innocent life ! I still feel the tremor that I felt when I ruthlessly crushed him, I still see the blood he spat and his weight is something I can’t hold onto since then …..
For countless days, those pretty blue eyes filled with blood had been the last thing I saw when I fell dead and the first thing I saw when I resurrected …. For all I wished was it could be a dream just a dream but the blood in my palm shouts to me …!